Messing About on the River: Gapuma’s Hawaiian Hula Cruise

16th July 2026

There is a particular kind of English absurdity in dressing several dozen commodities and chemicals professionals in leis and grass skirts, loading them onto a pleasure craft, and setting off down the Thames – but absurdity, handled properly, is close cousin to joy, and Gapuma’s Group Summer Activity aboard the SS Hibernia delivered rather a lot of both.

The cruise began in Henley-on-Thames and headed downriver, tracing the Henley Royal Regatta course past Medmenham Abbey – two of the straightest kilometres on the Thames, cut a century ago because nothing straighter could be found. A fortnight earlier this stretch had roared with crews and crowds; now the grandstands were half-dismantled, the towpath quiet, the whole apparatus of the Regatta being quietly folded away for another year. It made for a strange, pleasant melancholy – summer’s grandest fixture undressing itself in real time.

Off Medmenham, the boat ran alongside a livelier piece of theatre: the Swan Uppers of the Crown, the Vintners and the Dyers, out in their skiffs for the Catch and the Marking. It is one of the more delightful oddities of English river life that only these three parties may lawfully own or mark a mute swan on open water – a privilege the Crown has held since the twelfth century, and one it extended to the two City livery companies in the reign of Edward IV, when a 1482 statute restricted swan-keeping to the properly landed and well-heeled. It was never quite a case of reserving the birds for the royal table alone; rather, a swan in the fifteenth century was less a bird than a title deed with feathers, and the Crown meant to keep it that way.

The Hibernia then reversed upstream, back through Henley, through Marsh Lock, and on into the hushed reaches beyond, turning for home just short of Sonning. Here the afternoon found its rhythm: the Gapuma Piña Paradise – commissioned specially for the occasion – circulating freely, the DJ moving deftly between cruising classics and tunes anticipating England’s clash with Argentina that evening, and a dancefloor that showed no inclination to empty. Deepa delectable food ran alongside it all without ever missing a beat.

Bingo had been running throughout the day as a gloriously baffling ongoing competition, joined later by a Know Your Bosses quiz that revealed rather more about the leadership team than perhaps intended. It closed, as these things should, with an awards ceremony of high theatre and higher scrutiny: Shilpa crowned best theme-dressed woman, Luka taking the male honours, Kasia declared Queen of the Hula, and our guest of honour Kojo Jones-Mensah confirmed as its King, to absolutely nobody’s surprise.

By five o’clock, on a balmy, sun-soaked afternoon perfectly suited to cruising and messing about on the river, the Hibernia was back alongside at Henley – leis a little wilted, grass skirts a little worse for wear, and the whole party thoroughly reluctant to disembark.